Across the Universe: Oxford -- Trista Turley

Myth: British people have terrible teeth.

Verdict: Somewhat true, but as somebody who hails from the meth capital of the world, I really don’t think I have room to talk.

Myth: U.S. tourists are among the loudest, dumbest, and most obnoxious on the planet.

Verdict: Inconclusive.

Americans certainly seem to be a loud bunch (myself included), so when we say stupid things, everybody hears. Among the more cringe-worthy quotes I’ve heard from fellow Americans: "You live in Lithuania? Oh my God. Like, where is that even at?" "Do you speak American?" and "Do they have TV there?"

The most embarrassing thing I’ve seen an American do: my straight-laced, small town, uber Protestant, 74-year-old grandmother bought a rose to give to a sleazy Frank Sinatra impersonator at the Moulin Rouge in Paris, and then proceeded to have a small fit when she found out the guy was also in the pornography business.

While Americans seem to have perfected the art of embarrassing themselves and their countrymen (and their grandkids), the Canadians might give us a run for our money.

Among the most cringe-worthy quotes I’ve heard from Canadians: "Is Washington D.C. next to Seattle?" "I’m not actually sure who our Prime Minister is," "Why don’t Americans have the Queen on their money?" and "I’m pretty sure Toronto is the capital of Canada." (Hint: Toronto is NOT the capital of Canada.)

Honestly, I think it’s a tough call.

Myth: If you are walking in a crowded area of Europe, there is a very serious chance that a pigeon will defecate on your head.

Verdict: True.

I don’t really care to discuss how I know this. What happens in Rome stays in Rome.

Myth: The British health care system will take draconian measures to save money.

Verdict: True.

I tore two ligaments in my thumb playing soccer. After waiting two hours at the hospital, I finally saw a doctor who told me it would require surgery, but she could not justify spending National Health Service money on a foreigner. I told her I couldn’t stand the pain. She had part of my thumb removed. Goodbye saxophone scholarship.

Okay, if you believed that story, I’d like to talk to you about a real-estate investment group I started down in the Florida swampland.

In all seriousness, British health care is perfectly fine. I did tear two ligaments in my thumb playing soccer and did have to go to the hospital after it turned blue, swelled to the size of a salami sausage, and remained in that state for six days. I didn’t wait terribly long to see a doctor who immobilized it and sent me on my way.

The only particularly annoying part of the experience was the fact that I had to go to see a general practitioner who then sent me to the hospital on the other side of town. In the United States, I probably could get that injury treated at my doctor’s office, but considering the treatment was free (as every single person I saw smugly reminded me), it’s an inconvenience I can live with. Granted, a sprained thumb isn’t exactly the most perplexing of medical conditions, but I think I can say safely that certain weepy, chalkboard-wielding political pundits overstate the "dangers" of British healthcare.

I hope everybody has a successful finals week. See you next year on the Hill.